ok.. well , blogger seems to have changed.... again.... :S


this is hte lasst post ill make before returning home to sheffield i reckon cause tomorrow will be quite busy i think.
am getting a lift back!!! woohoo! PTL!
this means ill be back a bit earlier on the saturday hopefully leaving me a little more time to sort sunday morning out and towash clothes etc!!!

weather hasnt been too fantastic but its ok....

night before last i had really really bad nightmares, which sucked, but we prayed and i slept what was relitively amazingly... which is cool... :)

i think pizza is the order of the day on saturday on getting back... i cant be bothered to cook!
well, ill jkust be shattered!
i am pretty sdhattered at the moment but going okay.

tonight am gonna charge my phone i think... and begin to pack stuff down so i dont have as much to do on friday.

i have to say ive quite enjoyed myself, despite the 'hiccups' and despite the rain and other minor setbacks.
so yeah

signing off for now,
sara

well here i am once again in the net cafe...

tyhe sun has come out!!! wahey- unfortunately i have a stonking headache..... so cant stay out in it.
i also cant type on this keyboard but hey- it aint mine so im not complaining.. PTL for the fact that i can actually keep in touch!

just a shame that noone is emailing me with anything other than business:(

hehe oh well, not a huge biggie... :)

got my resit date thru the post this morning. 15th august... that doesnt leave me much time.... right at the start of the exam period. not a good thing.

at the moment i feel as if i just wanna stop the whole uni thing and be a muso... but i know that i have to do uni and the whatnot....


have done some artsy craftsy stuff the last couple of days... its good to know that i still enjoy the odd dabble occasionally.
might have to take it up as a destressing thingy- painting this morning was well fun...

anyhow.. am gonna run cause like have got things to do- exactly what im not too sure yet but im sure that there are things i ned to do, like pack up my dirty clothes and put the clean ones out.
could also do some more work as well i suppose....


i thin k it may thunder later- the air has that weird tinge in it and its quite humid.... as long as i rememebr to shut my tent properly then that is okaybut if not i wont be amazingly happy herhe

oh yeah, now the sun has come out i think im gonna have an ice cream... thats a goooooooooood plan i think... might stop my head hurting too...

also need to txt abbie.

k, bye

well... by miracle of technology im posting from sunny shepton mallet.
came on to check my emails.
/me snorts back a laugh- what email!!!!!!!

like i expect email and have none!
whats that all about!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

just chattin to my sis on msn- whi has stood on her finger trying to break dance....oh dear!!

anyhow...
im gonna go again.
see y'all when i get back i guess
xept andyroo., who ill see if he ever comes to sheffield ;-)

bye

k, this is my last post before leaving for new wine- it would have been earlier but i was sensible and went to bed at half 8 till one.
just finishing packing now my clothes are dry and ready to be packed...

today was weird the wedding was good- no hitches and it was just a weird experience really.... very last minute (or atleast it felt it from the music side of things!)

i had to escape afterwards though... wasnt feeeling too sociable- and i wanted to make sure that i was home and packed.... typical, the night before i go away im offered 4 different social occasions to go to!!!! first choice wouldhave been dan and lee's but i really couldnt bring myself to go round, but thats okay...

so yeah im up and awake, just had 2 slices of tea loaf and a cup of tea

and yeah... good news.... specially if your name is ed ;-) - my overdraft extension arrived today.... still doesnt mean i have any money, but it at least means that i can pay back the like 40 quid i owe in pizza and carveries and train tickets ;-) however thatll be over time, and when ive got a job hopefully cause this has to last me till september and i had to spend 30 quid yesterday....

bought meself a headlamp (ie a lamp that fits on my head- not a caR ONE) which was reduced in the sale at blacks and is actually pfretty decent whichis good- means i can rummage round in my tent/read hands free! some fuel cells for me stove- cause i need em to make tea, 32 batteries (20 cheap ones cause they actually last a decent length in my cd player and 12 expensive ones) and a half price thermal mug for drinking said tea- oh and some tea bags, anda bottle of vanilla coke , a yoghurt and some ready salted chipsticks for food today)

so yeah- i think ive got everythign i need- just need to pack it...

clothes- check
greek stuff - check
writing implements -check
t-bags- check


oooooooooh!!!! does anyone remember T-bag?????class tv show- weird but class!

um.. ;-0
yeah phone/charger - check
bath stuff/towel - check
stove- needs getting out of the toilet/utility room but yes
roll mat- if i can carry it!
cd player and cd wallet - cd's need into wallet but check
pillow- not as yet.. but have a plan for that

keys- will go in wallet. said item is currently on my bed with the phone charger and phone which is charging..

i think thats it really.....
need to label my bag clearly.. am completely p[aranoid about transportation wherei am seperated from my luggage... after last time... :S

ooooh yeah phone list of people....



an aside from that i think that the album new jersey is fantastic... some brilliant tracks on there.... homebound train for one of em.... id love to give that a shot at some point!
also like living in sin as a ballad.... which isnt anythinglike i expected it to be

currently got vh1 classic rock on and i think i missedthedevent stuff- they always seem to play decent stuff from like 12- 1.30... - oh its david bowie... explains a lot then ;-)

grrrrrrrr

anyhow.. also need to set my tape upstairs to tape a concert i wanna see



just had a really really nice pm fro a guy called tom who has heard 'exposed' sweet!

anyway.. on to the packing i feel as i leave in under 2 hours...


ooooooh yeah tickets and journey planner....
last thing to be packed...
DONT FORGET THOSE!

gettgin ready for the wedding... am gonna take my skirt with me...

need to drop my tent at laurence and beths, as they are going to take it down for me- whichleaves me withonly one piece of hand lugggage to negotiate through the streets of london.

also waitign for mum, to get back from the shop with some milk so i can eat breakfast....
i am aware that that sounds harsh, but ive just got out of the shower so am still in PJ's!

anyhow, i imagine you'll see one more post before i ride off into the sunrise tomorrow morning... at least ;-)

sara

oh yeah.. made fishpie today.... itwas nice, but i made too much and needed to use a shallower dish next time... but at least therell be some to eat tomorrow.

i think that im not going to go to the reception tomorrow- i dont know where or when it is...
i hate weddings.

tired. not ready.
panicking.

k, off to bed now...
tis only 3.17
quite good actually...
sara

am quite looking forwards to going away.. am gonna take my greek stuff with me and start learning it in time for my resits.
also gonna go chat to the bank about extension of overdraft that im supposedly entitled to and when thta will happen....

really really dont want to get a credit card- whichis the other option

having a really good chat on irc at the moment.. am enjoying it.

also would like to announce that 'exposed' (my song) is avaliable for download at this address

props to chris for the recording and pianoing of it and thanks go to ant for his kindness in hosting it for me!!!

id really like to know what people think of it so please email me (the link is at the top...) woith comments and thoughts on it as its kind of a tester...

sara

got in from cluster a lil while ago- it was actually really cool... i really like em all- theyre a great bunch of guys...

today consisted of me doing a bit of stuff at philly for ruth and then i went to town to waste a lil time before going to get my guitar from jacks before prayers and cluster.
jack is a bit further on with getting a job as well which is nice so yeah
i also got a job applicatoin for castle house who are advertising so hopefully ill get that (or one of the jobs ive applied for) soon.. like by the time i get back from new wine.

also got my tent and sleeping bag down to new wine and back so thats cool.

anyhow. tomorrow holds a bit more stuff to be done at philly and then an infinitum prac and then a meal at jo's so its all go and sort washing and stuff out when i get back so im ready for friday (cause i wont have any time on friday due to phil and lucy's wedding)

still need to sort out getting to the train station for the unearthly hour of 4.40 am on saturday..... ugh!!!
hoping that that will be sorted soon though.. if the worst comes to the worst then i can get me a taxi (with more borrowed money from parents- hence job would be very nice!)



heard this evening that one of the people who plagued me for so long is in hospital with a 50/50% chance of survival after running into a wall trying to escape from the police. That leaves me in a weird position cause i feel sorry for him even after all the stuff that happened and that he was part of. I dont hate him even though that stuff has left me quite screwed up as a person. tis weird....

also found out that ill miss bon jovi day on vh1 on saturday..... am upset by that but hoping that someone will tape me the live concert thats on that night... caught the end of queen day today when i got back and will prolly watch u2 when its on. am REALLY not fussed about the celine dion day.

ooooh yeah we got a BBQ today..... proper gas fired one.... quite looking forwards to using it at some point...... dad just insisted on showing me the garden- hed be a really good landscape gardener if he could be bothered but i dont think he can.... that sounds really bad but its true. it looks good but im still upset that i never got my vegetable patch that i was promised before we moved here- 6 years ago! i only wanted to grow some vegetables!!! grrrrrrr

anyhow... im gonna shutup now...
night

well today i are been mostly.....
learning the layout of the richards' house, where im going to be cat sitting for 2 weeks when i get home from new-wine, and learnign that i know their neighbour, shona (for those in the know, taptons latest addition to the music dept and a very nice person!)

celebrating the lovely mrs stoney's birthday with asunset picnic on the bolehills which was very nice and pks very kindly gave me a lift all the way home and then....

with a bit of help from ed i learned how to use ftp software and finally managed to send my song to
ant - after all the hassle i hope that its worth it!!!!

tomorrow im at philadelphia during the day and then at cluster in the evening

oh and doing some washing....
lol
gnight
sara

tired...........
having to stay in cause parents are out...
oh well....

im applying for a job at first mainline!

im okay to bristol
and have got buses to shepton mallet planned and thats fine.. however im trying to find out roughly how much it will cost and its not a helpful site!
i think itll be a fiver each way.... tho im not sure but thats copable...

k... have booked tickets from london to bristol
after a slightl hiccup where the site told me it would cost 2 4 od quid as opposed to the 4 it should have done (national express offer)

am about to book the midland mainline tix to london (return is only a tenner) which meand its gonna cost me around
20 quid to get to bristol adn back (15 plus 4 quid for tube) and i reckon that buses from bristol will cost 4 quid each way so thats 30 quid altogether, tho if i manage to scrounge a lift back itll only be around 23 quid cause i wont have to pay to get to bristol or through london which would be nice... :)

okay im going to eat my tea frozen chinese sweet an sour chicken and rice, and then settle in for the night with jackie chan.
alternatively going to go to number 1.. but ittl turn into a piss up so i dont think i be bothered..

also gonna sort my hair out..

sara

damn webstorage.. still dont work even with any file i can think of...
hmmmmmmm

i really dont want to have loads of convos with everyone ribht now but they keep on talking.. maybe i should stop being so damn polite.... brain cant cope!!

okay, well last night i went to the stoneys along with ruth w and ended up crashing there.... it was fun, i enjoyed myseld and then darted home to get changed this morning and then went back to the ponderosa to take part in operation OHP which was good... ended up on the kids bit of it beign a hair dresser and in the process my hair has now turned purple orange and green with random gold glitter spray on top.. i really hope it washes out!!!
im quite tired now and cant be bothered to move but i think im gonna have an early night... as im playing guitar at crookes early in the morning...

might post more later...

wikkid havegot me speakers out into the garden too... theyre a bit crappy but here comes the loud music... parrrrrrrty!

attempt number 2 has not worked either...
im gonn try once more and then go and sit in the pool for a couple of hours.....

and read a book

also cant get hold of phil- like not helpful!
sara

k, attempt number 2 is in progress......
hopefully this will yield the desirable result...

im currently sorting out my mail box.. i did a huge purge of it 2 weeks ago so the content isnt vast but im sorting things like how often it checks mail etc....

dammit it didnt work....
i uploaded the file and it isnt there....
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

well, ive got an account... am attempting to upload now...

just trying to sortwebstorage out...

k, new wine stuff is almost sorted bar getting a ref and and transport...

also need to ring phil and tell him i can sing at his wedding!!!

today im gonna try and get some of my stuff into webstorage... that way dragonfly will actually be able to listen to my song! (and anyone else that would like to)
it also means that soon i should be able to do pics on here too...

i recieved the pictures from ourtrip to hampstead heath this morning.. that made me smile..
it was also nice to hear from biene.

so yeah thats my day pretty much, that and sorting out the new wine stuff and then going to the stoneys this evening.
will prolly blog some random stuff today.

oh yeah, yesterday....wasnt an amazing day...
jo's was a laugh.
had stomp, which i wasnt too enthralled at the prospect of to be honest yesterday... i felt like i was just being irritating to everyone... prolly was. then walked/rode for a bit and came home.

spoke to ppl on IRC abit aswell and posted my latest set of lyrics onto jovitalk...
went to bed early...
s'about it.

okay.. rocksteady emailed me back and ive sent them my details and ive also applied for a job at comet/currys (cant remember!) thereare 4 in sheff anyhow.... lol
thats quite good for me!
off to jos now tho then stomp
ttyl

have sent a tentativce "gimmee a job email" to rocksteady security they do gig security and management.... could be good...

am job hunting..... not going amazingly....

ive been up since quarter to six!
in case you /didnt/ hear it, there was a thunderstorm!!!! and an okay one at that.... i incorparated it into my dream which was well weird cause then i woke up! anyhow, the sheer amounts of noise generated by such an occurance meant that i was awake and so here i am!! its not done too much to clear the air though which is annoying and i really hope we get a big mama of a storm later (preferably when im not trying to sleep though!) today now that im up early im going to make useful before going to meet jo and im gonna start being a perfectionist and redoing all of the acoustic stuff so its all in the same font and size... how nitty gritty!!! however it also means i can decide on structures and we have a record of it as well as capo settings etc so we lose the 10/20 minutes at each prac spent sayign "where do we do this- which key?" "i dont know- i just play the thing!" "oh, well... um... let's try it here...." (A few minutes later) "naaaah... tint there, lets try it here...yeah thats it"
anyway with 20+ songs to do id better get cracking on with it!!!
ttyl later maybe....

oooooooh yeah, anyone know any gorky park?? i quite like the track i have of them....

i dont want to talk, im feeling rather antisocial...
do you think that wanting space to yourself is selfish?? this is my pondering for the moment....
wish i could skip the country... i really do.
grrrrrr now everyone will be going "why?" answer is because i have several things i want to do in the near future and that is one of them....

lyrics of the day are all from evenescense and 'fallen':-

Don't want your hand this time
I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again

[Chorus]
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning with you (drowning with you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm, going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
(I don't know what's real and what's not)
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning with you (drowning with you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through,
I'm, so go on and scream
Scream at me, so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe
I can't keep going under
I'm dying again


I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
.....
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
.....

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along


Do you remember me ?
Lost for so long.
Will you be on the other side ?
Or will you forget me ?

I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding
And screaming.
Am I too lost to be saved ?
Am I too lost ?

My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.

My wounds cry for the grave.
My soul cries, for deliverance.
Will I be denied ?
Christ! Tourniquet! My suicide.


Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story

[Chorus:]
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me

Don't say I'm out of touch
With this rampant chaos - your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
the nightmare i built my own world to escape.



Playground schoolbell rings, again
Rainclouds come to play, again
Has no one told you she's not breathing ?
Hello, I'm your mind, giving you someone to talk to...Hello...
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me
I'm not broken
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide...
*Don't cry...*
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello, I'm still here, all that's left
Of yesterday...


Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drive me
Into madness
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away

[Chorus:]
Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)

I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know
That there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be
Blinded by tears
I can stop the pain
If I will it all away

[Chorus]

Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
She beckons me
Shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet my end




all of these lyrics are in some way appropriate at the moment.. unnecessary ones have been edited out...
take from that what you will

well, i spent half of this morning in trhe bath listenign to evenescense....i got a new theme song i think...
am about to book places for tea as chris ed and i are gogn to the crosspool tavern carvery...
then i think im gonna play a bit of guitar and make a couple of fone calls... and go! am waiting for my top to dry at the moment so am still sat in my pjamas...
just been to check on my top to see if its dry... im now soaked....
my dad is in the pool and just sprayed me with water... not fun.. and managed to soak my top too....
also need to check out how im gonna get to new wine...
grr!....
im absolutely soaked!

im currently having a vaguely morbid conversation with someone... its actually okay, although i have to say that the thoughts have already been running around.... hence when discussing "what would you like to do before you die" i actually had my three things ready...

1) go visit new zealand/canada think im actually tending towards new zealand now...
2) record an album
3) take a trip away somewhere with good friends and be spontaneous and have a real laugh and have no worries.... (this i see as a tent in the peaks (well 2) with a guitar and video camera and just some ol fashioned fooling around)

before anyone starts im not overreacting to anything... im just being vaguely serious for possibly the second time in my life...

today i went to st marys at walkley with rich to help do an assembly with them... it was really good they were really enthusiasticand stuff and then dropped the stuff for this evening off at crookes. on the way from philadelphia to crookes we crashed the car- at three miles and hour! the car in front made to pull out and didnt... everythign was fine, barely a scratch on rich's car and nothing on the other guys so that was good... then i went to eds and did like 6 hours of practice... well minus an hour or two cfor things like lunch and my obsession with working out the /correct/ tab line to wanted : dead or alive....it still isnt right, and wont sound right anyhow until i use a 12 string but its better than the one i was working off and playable for me, and our version is our own arrangement so it works... we also added another new song- yey! hero, by enrique iglesias.....its actually really easy to play but sounds gorgeous on capo4 and im really beginning to like my voice when i sing low more..... anyone who knows me when it comes to music will realise that this is actually a significant thing, because i hate my voice... i really do.. its leaving hte plateu of maturity it had reached previously and is currently moving on, which is exciting....
from there i went to church to do the last kids cell of the year and it was so much fun!!! we played loads of water games and loads of messy games. muggins here volenteered herself for the egg game, and duly got splattered.. vdery hard... hehe
also got covered in bean juice as nigel mallon decided to spit it at everyone and got me full on!!!! this was a gross thing to do, as lizzie said and i heartily agreed- "its his dad's fault!!"add to that shaving foam and being voted to be water ballooned it was a good evening...
the added bonus of chocolate was good too!!!- one of the kids bought each of us a box of malteasers... really sweet of them...
went to prayers and came home... am on irc at the mo talking to andyroo chris and ed... gonnahave a bath and bed soon... decided against cluster- its a bbq and im not feeling very peopley this evening and i need to get the egg out of my hair and stuff

im gettign frustrated at the moment as this blog seems to be turning into something i didnt want it o- a list of what i did where ive been who ive talked to... i know that im theperson to change it, but i guess at the moment it seems as if this is my life... however by making that statement, the irony is that ive just done exactly what i set out to do when beginning this blog... - or do i just not get irony??

hell im tlaking about why i dont/do/dont want to get married now... where this is coming from i dont know... maybe ill get a song out of it...

got my daniel bedingfield cd back the otherday too.. it has gone in my cd player and im really enjoying listenign to it... am gonna try and find me foo fighters cd... grrrr found the case and into the light is in it instead.... where the hell is that cd.. i could really do with listening to it...i love the beginning of the first song...well i like all of it but specially hte first bit...

All my life I've been searching for something
Something never comes never leads to nothing
Nothing satisfies but I'm getting close
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope
All night long I dream of the day
When it comes around then it's taken away
Leaves me with the feeling that I feel the most
The feeling comes to life when I see your ghost

Come down don't you resist
You have such a delicate wrist
And if I give it a twist
Something to hold when I lose my grip
Will I find something in that
So give me just what I need
Another reason to bleed
ONE BY ONE hidden up my sleeve
ONE BY ONE hidden up my sleeve

Hey don't let it go to waste
I love it but I hate the taste
Weight keeping me down (x2)

Will I find a believer
Another one who believes
Another one to deceive
Over and over down on my knees
If I get any closer
And if you open up wide
And if you let me inside
On and on I've got nothing to hide
On and on I've got nothing to hide

Hey don't let it go to waste
I love it but I hate the taste
Weight keeping me down (x2)

All my life I've been searching for something
Something never comes never leads to nothing
Nothing satisfies but I'm getting close
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope
All night long I dream of the day
When it comes around then it's taken away
Leaves me with the feeling that I feel the most
The feeling comes to life when I see your ghost

if anyone has it id like it back!!!! lol.. i may have lent it someone..... at least i know it isnt in any of the cds ive packed and sorted...

the gig was okay, today i went to meadowhall and got a jobs listing and then went to eds to try another method of recording which failed.... (grrrrr) i think we've finally given up. i hate being defeated by things like this! we then got a bit of prac done,and then after a break and a bit of space to myself went to lifeskills.also today recieved a phone call from phil asking me if id sing at his and lucy's wedding a week on friday... i think i can but have to sort getting to new wine out first...
then got a call from me dad later wanting to know how to work my cd rom... doesnt matter that its mine.... good job im like almost anti possessive innit!

tomorrow i am going to walkley school with rich to help do an assembly and then back to church to sort out the cell group extravaganza rhats happenign that evening, and then up to eds to finish prac i didnt do today...
gonna go and think for a bit now.... ttyl maybe.
sara

k, have got ticketsfor tomorrow... am kinda looking forwards to it... will be good
didnt really get much done in terms of prac. had a bit of an off day in general today i guess, though i did have some fun...
came up with more stupid lyrics to gay bar, and just generaly chilled for a bit... tomorrow sees stomp, and hopefully retrieval of my fone, and then by jovi.... mmmm

monday will be a prac day now
could do with ringing rich tomorrow as well....
hmmm....
lots to do...
job lookingon monday as well, ie handing in application to hollywood bowl and getting a new list from meadowhell, then travelling to eds via number 2

anyway. sleep required. night...

theres a webcast tonight of the bon jovi concert (well,last part of it....) however i just found out that they showed a whole concert last night in preperation of it.... which is a shame cause i would have liked to have seen the full stage.... the one i saw was brilliant... hehe
by the way... cetain peope have claimed im obsessed- im not! im just enjoying it all while i can...
hmmmm....
yesterday was a very busy, but good day.... i should haveknown that abbietaking not just me, but me ed and jack trouser shopping would take time.... 4 and a 1/2 hours of it... and what happened......?

well we went back to the first shop she went in and bought the first pair of trousers she had looked at..... hehehe
we then did the 59 and ed jack and i jumped off at my house andabbie went home as shes now on her way back to hertford.. ;( we picked up necessities such as custard powder and flour and went back to jacks... i then made pizza and pasta for tea and we kicked back with a film and a beer, we watched three to tango and x-men... it was a good evening... we also cameup with many ideas for gay bar....

ooooh yeah the day before!!!
lol.. we had band practice, interrupted by abbie being lost and having to find her.... hehehe
it went okay id say.... we managed a perfect rendition of gay bar and a not too bad thing of the calling... we need a bassist though... pref a keyb as well.... i can see the perfect band...but its just out of my reach... ah well.... such is life....
it was realy fun though, and i made crumble (which we ate yesterday)
today we're getting tix for tomorrows bon jovi tribute woohoo! (im even having the evening off church!) and then having aCOUSTic prac which will be fun...

other things to have happened.... i got my results.... passed all bar greek. have to pass the resit to go to next year though.
also have my next appointment for the hospital- 13th of august....... this is /not/ good....it was the end of july but im not here... now i dont know about anyone else, but surely taking a month over a 5-10 day wait forresults on something which isnt good anyway (but at least they found something) and could be worse i dont want to have to wait a month!!!!!!! i mean like grrrrr!!!!


on the itinery for next week is:-

- bowling with ed and sim
- wednesday evening tea with ed and chris at the carvery
- a job....
- band pracs
- tuesday morning at walkley school with rich r

found out today that i have no emergency money left... whichis okay... i spent it on a guitar.... :S
parents wont lend me any money however.... so i will be going for a job in the very very near future....like monday... :S
the other option i have is get a credit card... like i really dont want to... but i can also see the benefits of it... cause i am sensible enough to e responsible with it, and the only things i would actually use it for would be to buy things... but i still dont want one... i guess i need to go and talk to the bank about when my overdraft extension comes through... cause at least having a job i reckon that ill be able to pay off my overdraft this year and be okay for next- its just that cause of the whole screw up with student loans, ive never been out of my overdraft since the start of last year... however now is also not the best time to set up my business.... as being self employed i would lose all my money...
maybe after uni.....

think im gonna go have a bit of fun now playing a game or two before going to hunt down tickets for tomorrow....
maybe chat later,
sara

two more amusing things from yesterday...
1) as i was waiting i saw a sign which said " patients in this suite have been starved. please refrain from eating"
- i sooooooooo wanted to say in black pen on the bottom- this may provoke a reaction from the patient like foaming at the mouth... ;-0

2) as i went into the procedure room acdc were playing highway to hell and my look wasone of slight puzzlement i think, and then the nurse kinda went "turn it down!" to which i laughed and started singing along and she asked if i knew it, and i said yeah- its just amusing that thats whats playing.....


today was a really good day, otherthan feeling a bit naff and sore and having rely bad stomach cramps... went to jacks for a practice and met abbie as well who came... we got some stuff done which was good and had loads of fun....
we're /all/ going trouser shopping for abbie tomorrow (and me and jack are also job hunting) at meadowhell..... we're also going to attempt the biggest feat in buses in sheffield possible... this could be good.... will let you know if it works and were also going to intropduce jack to the joys of the number 2 bus route anyhow, need to sort this out....
ttyl all...


ps anyone know of a decent comments system??
let me know...

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

well am back from the hospital.... thanks anyone who prayed- the things i didnt tell anybody but i really wanted t happen like a) i wasnt kept waiting around because that just makes me really nervous and i dont like hospitals and b) that the people seeing me would be nice cause i really cant handle not nice people, and i was seen bang on time, nd the peopel were really nice.
the most surreal thing was being moved on the bed to recovery afterwards...
i got to watch everything, and was actually fairly intrigued... they took several (i think it was 6 biopsies) so i have to go back and findout what they were...
anyway..just had tea.... mmmmmmmm........ and now gonna go and eat fruit!
and watch a film or two....
sara

about to go to bed.. no one text me or ring me by theway as i have left my fone somewhere and its on silent....
see y'all later prolly....

You're Imaginary... You are so tired of all the
people and their shit, that you've decided to
live in your own world. Oh, and you make me
cry, literally.


Which one of my fav songs from Evanescence are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


wow..

ps i think i lost my foo fighters album!!!
not good!!!!

reuuuuuuugh... the stuff i have to take tastes disgusting....
gag reflex kicked in with the first sip which is not a good thing seeing as i have 4 ltres of the stuff to drink am on my second litre now... finished one film... have got the tv and video set up on the landing... (well i need something to do....)
watched showtime, which is actually a damn good film!!!
am agbout to watch basketball. now i think...
im beginning to feel very bloated as to stp mysef throwing up i have to drink something else after fdrinking this stuff so ive drunk 3 litres of liquid so far.... euuuuuugh...
wonder if ill make it to cluster tonight..... lol
hope you're all okay, am going off line now, if anyone wants to ring theres no guarentee ill answer but you can....
sara

neck is better.
random weird eating thing sucks...
but it did mean i had to cook earlier...
which actually meant that i ate something i really liked.... i also made a cake which is something ive not done for a long while and it showed... also remembered why...i dont like my oven, however it was nice.

tomorrow will be really really weird...
not got huge amnounts to say... met jacks parents on sunday and had mentoring, today i went to jacks and from there we went jobhunting, found a coupleof possibles which was nice....
i think that ive managed to get my tcv and video layer so i can access them tomorrow.. lucky that people are going out tomorrow :)
anyhow... gonna check everyone elses blogs before going to sleep....
early rise tomorrow ;)
night.

neck hurts. a lot. i think i was partly laid weird on it (actually got more than 5 hours sleep last ngiht!) and partly cricked.
got some stuff done in terms of prac tho, and enjoyed my last day of eating normally as tomorrow my weird food thing starts where i cant eat lots of things in preperation for wednesday....
also spoke to abbie for a little while and to rich for a tad- he was on his way to wimbledon to watch the tennis...
slightly bizzare call from chris as well but productive, as was with ruth.
tomorrow sees me doing church and then gheading to jacks to chat and sort out some band stuff and meet his drumkit and waste a couple of hours before heading to philadelphiato do mentoring...then church, and ill see chris there whichis nice as abbie, and rich and tracy arent going to be there (rich decided to go to wimbledon...)
monday sees me hopefully going job hunting...

oh and today i got my letter saying id failed greek and needed to do the resit so if anyone reading this knows greek or knows someone who can help, then please help me!!!! i know i can pass it... just need someone who can check that stuff is going right and stuff, but on the plus side, the letter kinda confirmed id passed everything else by what it didnt say (ie thatid failed anything else) which is nice.
am looking for rooms and houses and stuff... no way can i do it untill i get a job but i can look.

in prep for mentoring tomorrow, well the weird diary thing kinda went to pot with all the stuff with home but ill update it to the best of my ability in a little while and ive finished the 2 books... kinda good...

am supposed to be seeing abbie next thursday.
am absolutely knackered and need to get a hot water bottle for my neck/shoulder as i would like to be abkle to move tomorrow. oi really hope ive not pulled it seriously... if i can find it might get some deep heat in it as well...
owwwwwwwww... hehe starting to sound like someone i know there....not a good thing.

k, night all .
sara

k, today went as follows...
went and got my guitar.
went to valley vcentertainment to meed simon and ed
lost twice at bowling and pulled my wrist
went and dropped guitar off at ed's
sim took us AOS to collect eds amp for his halfstack..
went back to eds and played with it :)
went to the pub
decided i like bass (thsats three bitters i like now)
went and had tea
watched analyse this
came home
played tetrinet for a bit
going to bed.

tomorrow is as previously planned.

my dog is mental tonight... its stoopid.
some amusing things from today... if i could remember them id post them.. but i cant so i wont.
arg.
sara

its still an hour out!
oh well..

man tetrinet is gooooooooooood. s'been a while!

this page is v interesing and v funny!

today was stomp... it went well, and then went to dan and leannes new house, and we went and explored the pubs of walkley, namely rose inn and freedom house.
tomorrow bowling with ed and sim and then a film a eds house of my choice....


does anyone remember tetrinet???
does anyone have it and want to play me???
it was so class as a game....
tapton guys, HOW MANY FREES DID WE WASTE!!!!!!
lol... anyone got it and wants to play me is v welcome to...


note the brilliant like thingy thats happening at the moemnt....
hehe

webmail. probs now solved... back to the usual address please! thank you.
off to stomp now
bye!

hmmm. official reply from uni is that webmail is down... if anyone needs to get hold of me/has sent me meail in the last couple of days that they want me to read send it to saralouisesmith @ hotmail.com (purposesly split to avoid spam) andill get it that way.

all the posts are 50 mins out!!!!

and by the way yes- i am goign a little post crazuy cause i got to actually use the pc... plus, the webmail is down......
arrrrrg.

hmmmmm. time is screwed on this.. that post was made at 01.59 actually

stole this from andyroo's LJ.... and he stole it from one of his mates... so thats all ok....

last cigarette: - never tried any and glad of it
last kiss: a long time ago
last good cry: four weeks ago in the middle of a field under a tree
last library book checked out: gods, goddesses and idolic images of ancient israel (or something like that- need it for an essay)
last movie seen: anger management
last book read: 'whats so amazing about grace?'
last cuss word uttered: if it means a swear word i have to fess up and say this morning, as i managed to chip my knuckle ont he banistair coming up stairs and playing very grungey air guitar and punched it accidentally... and said s***
last beverage drank: tea
last food consumed: meatballs in tomato sauce and instant mash
last crush: didnt go any further
last phone call: um... lots of txts and an answerfone msg... jack was the last convo
last tv show watched: buffy this afternoon
last time showered: last night (scruffy i know but i wasnt gonna shower before tidying my room out and getting mucky again and then someone else was in the shower when i needed to go in and i didnt smell too bad... ;S bath tomorrow mornign tho... for 2hours! yey
last shoes worn: my trainers that make my feet look tiny when theyre actually the biggest in the house now
last cd played: bon jovi crossroads, evenescence, fallen, (both on random so had to put them together)
last item bought: meatballs in tomato sauce and instant mash from somerfield after prayers tonight cause i didnt get tea cooked for me.
last downloaded: currently uploading a song i recorded to someone
last annoyance: if youve been reading this you can prolly guess!
last disappointment: ummmmmm........ me
last soda drank: soda?? who writes these things eh??? ;-) um... dont do fizzy drinks as a rule- tend to mess up my head cause im intolerant to certain e numbers and they make me burp like fury..... fresh juice rules hands down
last thing written: a song :)
last key used: c# minor
last words spoken: yes please
last sleep: um................ last night betweenthe hours of 3.45 and 8.30- not a bad night....
last im: Dr Poth
last weird encounter: about an hour ago.... mum came back in and informed my that there two naked cyclists outside who werent weearing any shoes.....!
last ice cream eaten: prolly B&J's phish phood with joel r
last time amused: last night..... gareth robinsons impression of mal calladine.... was v fuinny and spot on!
last time wanting to die: much less long ago that id like it to be :S
last time in love: which kind of love??? like different kinds means different answers... can i be cheesy here and say i love all my friends ?
last time hugged: chris last week i think..... very unclear memory after that....
last time scolded: today.
last time resentful: 3 seconds ago?
last chair sat in: the one im sitting in to type....
last lipstick used: dark red/maroony thing for random dress up thing
last shirt worn: shirt... um... my army shirt i guess
last time dancing: i dont dance.
last poster looked at: bon jovi one that i bought at old trafford
last show attended: bon jovi. old trafford :)
last webpage visited: andyroos, jovitalk and trying to get on damned webmail!!! (im female- hence multitasking!)
I HURT: constantly it seems....
I LOVE: singing
I HATE: some peopel i really shouldnt... liver, kidney,
I FEAR: too much. everything at the moment
I HOPE: that someday soon all this will end,
I FEEL: like i should be doing something
I HIDE: most ofthe time
I DRIVE: everybody up the wall prolly ;-)
I MISS: too weird to go into.
I LEARNED: once... sometimes i didnt... he important things anyhow
I NEED: money, a log cabin in canada, a barrel, niagra falls, some ruby slippers
I THINK: too much.
current clothes: pyjamas
current mood: um.... spaced...
current music: gorky park- sactually quite good!
current taste: tea
current hair: needs a wash, but not too bad... growing. :S
current annoyance: a moth that insists on landing on my nose, and feeling nauseaus
current smell: none
current thing i should be doing: if i was normal, sleeping... work i spose....
current desktop picture: on my desktop at uni its starbug over the ocean
current refreshment: asaam
current worry: too many

ahhhhhhhhhhh
there ya go....

tomorrow evening seeing as i cant go to the housewarming of the year... at dan and leannes.... i may have to solace myself by going to see full throttle instead as someone has kindly offered to pay for me if it happens, whivh is great as my bank account stands at 75p at the moemnt......

lord... please provide me with some money to like be able to get around with! amen

hmmmmm. my dads just decide to talkto me and ignoring anyhtign thats happened....
my question (call me the skeptic) is how long til next time?

There's a girl in the mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did
There's a story in her eyes
Lullabies and goodbyes
When she's looking back at me
I can tell her heart is broken easily
'Cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying 'cause of you
And I wish there was something
Something I could do

If I could
I would tell her
Not to be afraid
The pain that she's feeling
The sense of loneliness will fade
So dry your tears and rest assured
Love will find you like before
When she's looking back at me
I know nothing really works that easily

'Cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying 'cause of you
And I wish there was something
I wish there was something
Oh I wish there was something
I could do

I can't believe it's what I see
That the girl in the mirror
The girl in the mirror
Is me

I can't believe what I see
No....
The girl in my mirror
The girl in my mirror is me
Ohh...is me

'Cause the girl in my mirror Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying 'cause of you
I wish there was something
I wish there was something
Oh I wish there was something
I could do



how poignant... and true...

And tuesday just might go my way
It can’t get worse than yesterday
Thursdays, fridays ain’t been kind
But somehow I’ll survive

Hey man I’m alive I’m takin’ each day and night at a time
Yeah I’m down, but I know I’ll get by
Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
Like I ain’t got nothin’ but this roll of the dice
I’m feelin’ like a monday, but someday I’ll be saturday night

andyroo.... if you read this, i cant comment on your LJ until i get an account.. to get an account you need to give me code... :)
however, dont send to my webmail, its screwed..... its rejecting my password.... send on irc or something

nice to see ed has joined the blogging community......
hahah... told you resistance is futile!

if you had the choice of 2 free return flights to paris or 200£ off a holiday which would you choose?

feel better today...
not really much tosay now, i dontwant to start soubnding like abroken record (ideally i want to punch things, but that may not be good so...)
i feel numb at the moment so am just getting on with everything...
i was talking about it a bit last night, and saw some sense in what was being said, and i agree.
i need to make an escape plan (not from everything) for if things get hairy and i have a couple of ideas there.

today i begin to box things away and pack. even though i am not officially supposed to be moving out til september, the current climate suggests an amendment to this and while my stuff wont go with me if it happens on a temporary basis, at least it would just be a case of walk in and walk out.

plus by doing this it means that:

a) when the repair man comes to fix the boiler he's got a bigger space than there already is to make a mess,
b) its a bit tidier and then if rich does arrive this weekend... (dunno whether thats happening) he can come round and chat , although chattingabout current situation in the place is prolyl not a good idea,
c) i get a head start on moving
d) i have somethign else to bang my very painful shins on in the middle of the night because im not allowed to get rid of the chest of drawers i dont use, whch means i cant set my pc up and use it (another major cause of arguemnets)
- im actualy surprised im getting away with beign able to post this at the moemnt.... yesterday my quick post got me daggers stared and flaming arrows and all sorts...
e) one of the main reasons (this and the repair man coming to mend the boiler) is so that i can stay out of the way of downstairs and can just play bon jovi loud as im doing it and forget about it and expend some of the frustration and anger which i know im not handling in a good way.

after that, im gonna go to uni (which is open late on wednesdays during vacation) and type up some more of the worship stuff and get somewhere close to finishing that.

thursday im at church all day on stomp stuff
friday may possibly be seeing abbie but she hant bothered getting in touch with me yet so probably not.... in which case im gogn out to uni to do some more work type stuff and saturday im gonna have an all day prac with ed and do half acoustic, an hour reesearch to find some of the chords/lyrics for the band, and thengo through some of those songs with ed ready for next week when jack is back.
sunday i have stomp/dynamites joint extravaganza number 3
and then im going to see jack in his new (empty xept for him) house, meet his drumkit, and we're going to cook lunch and play around, and then ive got philadelphia in the evening, possibly with chris if he comes, and possibly with rich and tracy of they are in sheffield or not.
so i have the week sorted in terms of being out of the way.

plus it doesnt give me much time to sit and ponder some of the questions i have and know i should nt even have to considerbut i am doing and they arent helping anything and just making me feel worse. am finding it rather hard to find any truth in this situation to hold on to.

there are other things which are beginning to creep back as well which im really having a few problems with in terms of believing/not believing.

damn MY HEAD!
grrrrrrrrrr

anyhow....
think ill give rich a quick ring later and see whats ahppening. might buszz abbie as well and see what time her train is due..that is, if im allowed to use the fone....

gee... so this is what beign is ignored is like. its not that bad.
i feel yucky... ill and stuff, but beter than i did when i woke up this morning...
am about to go out... have got kids cell this eve- theyre watching a vid and having popcorn so its not a huge hassle to be there.
been sat downstairs and been completely ignored by my dad. mum has gone out.
cant' think what ive done to get this treatment tho... yes its hard and im not really amazingly happy with him at the moment, but at least im being civil. still i guess silence is better than having profanity and verbal being thrown at me....
asked him if he wanted a cup of coffee as i was making a cup of tea and got my head bitten off. asked him why the mood a few minutes ago and got the most evil glare back. im seriously coming to the end of my tether with this.

good thing today though, had a fone call from jack. only lasted like an hour and a half (!) but he cheered me up immensly. he's coming back to sheffield on saturday, and living in crookes, so im gonna call round on sunday afternoon to say hi. i see the plan for this summer. get a job, get immersed in band stuff and stay out of the house.
not that that is necessarily a bad thing i think.....

at the moment i just want to run and hide, away from everyoneandeverything, but i know that that isnt the best option. and i also know that i cant run away from myself.
ive tried this lots. things is im paranoid now. of everyone. i dont like it either.

hmmmmmm...
gonna get out of here.... cant stand the silence anymore.

the only time i can get on here seemingly if im at home anyhow...(was at uni earlier) is when theyve gone to bed.
slightly annoying but never mind. not sleeping at the moment means i dont feel so guilty about the fact that im not goign to bed until late.
'exposed' is getting some good feedback, which is encouraging for me :)
tomorrow involves goign to see if anythign needs doing for thursdayat philadelphia, and then im gonna go sit in uni and do some of the worship stuff i think, as im gonna put it onto disc now so ive got a copy there, and then that way it'll be done soon.
sat with ruth w at lifeskills tonight and we had quite a laugh, which was nice. havent laughed in days, so finding something toilaugh atwas quite an achievement.


went walking in the rain tonight, which was well nice, and long waited for. got absolutely soaked - it was fantastic. havent seen rain like that in a while. suits my mood perfectly.

i really fancy a good game of risk sometime soon.
if anyone has it and wants a game, let me know....

also amusing was the fact that i saw joel earlier cleaning above the door frame of his old room.
seeing 75 nairn street empty (and clean!) was a shock. the end of an era.


sara
" sometimes i wait forever to stand out in the rain so noone sees mr crying tryin to wash away the pain"