what can i say?
working a 40-odd hour week is exhausting.
those of you doing it on a regular basis will probably mock me for saying that but i dont okay?!
its been a really hard day- one had a temper tantrum the whole time we were out, and i ended up doing someone elses job (might i add that they get like double my pay to do it!) and ended up with a really naughty child to deal with as well, so im a little hacked off to be honest. tonight consists of my lugging furniture about before going to bed and up at 6 tomorrow as im on an 8-5.
managed to swap friday so im only doing 10-3 which is less pay but means im now almost 3/4 of the way there and still surviving, which is good.
will probably post over the weekend i guess.... however, the bigkittyhouse is now fully functional, and watch out for the site... appearing soon :)

um... should probably update this... um... *blushes*

heeheehee - im a little embarrassed.

okay, firstly hello.

yesterday was awesome.
just have to bore you all and go through it... ;-)

so i woke up at 8am when my alarm went off and then went back to sleep, getting up again at 8.40 to hear jack about to make tea, so went and scared him with a stealth hug and requested that he make me a cup of tea, and then even managed to pursuade him to put milk on my weetabix (yup i had breakfast for once) in 5 mins as id be in the shower for approximately that length of time,
now my showering time has dramatically reduced since the eye incident, so a v. quick shower was had and then wandered downstairs to find a cup of tea and breakfast ready and waiting, which to be fair was an excellent start to the day.
i then scared the decorator, as i'd told him the day before that id be in london all day wednesday when trying to establish whether or not id need to move stuff tuesday night... (then answer was not) and i was still here, so i explained i was being collected so that was okay too. at 9.15 i made another cup of tea as i had forgotten to take my blue pill with the first... :S and i needed the caffiene too... anyhow, drank the scalding tea with the pill (ouch) and we set off.... i did fairly well- the pill kicked in around an hour into the journey and i only fell asleep for 10-15 minutes (stupid side effects) although in that 10 minutes or so we seemed to have killed several bugs on the windscreen....
We arrived in High Wycombe and parked at around 12.30ish and arrived at the station and bought the tickets with 4 minutes till the next train and arrived at the platform with 30s to go- which is what you get when 2 people with great timing skills are travelling ;-).
Anyhoo arrived into Marylebone station, which to be honest i wasnt impressed with and dont see why it made the Monopoly board game at all.... but hey, and headed for picadilly circus on a not very packed tube which was good, as i have severe issues with those things (well more the number of people on those things). Found our bearings and headed for Queen's theatre to get tickets for the first show of the day- Les Miserables. then it was to mc Deathtrap for lunch, which i have to say the salad isnt too terrible.... and on to the show.
Having seen Les Mis when it came to Sheffield a few years ago, it was both better and worse than that. i really enjoyed seeing it in its 'home' and overall the standard of the company was good. There were one or two characters i was less than impressed with, although to balance that there were also a couple i was blown away with... I love the story and do intend to read the book at some point.... but it was great to see again....
then we had an hour to spare so went to soundcontrol in the basement of Virgin Megastore to look at guitar kit and stuff...and then had a drinks stop and headed to the dominion Theatre for the second show...
Since this had been a possibility i had successfully managed to completely disassociate myself from anything that might have let me in on the plot, so i had no idea what to expect with 'We Will Rock You'. I had heard a couple of reviews which were mixed so no giveaways there, but i have to say i was very impressed.... the plot could have been slightly less predictable, but in its defence i work out plot too easily sometimes... i was very impressed with the standard of the show. Its definately a next generation musical, with the inclusions of videoscreens and high-tech effects, which was a completely welcome contrast to the period style of Les Mis, but overall the standard of the people were awesome. i couldnt really find any fault with the band at all, the only complaint i could have possibly made was that i found the vocals unbalanced with the music, but thats entirely because we were sat on the front row so no possible right to. As for the main characters, they really put everything into it, and for that i salute them!
At the end we began our journey home, jumpin on a train back to High Wycombe and then driving back, i am sorry to report that i was a bit of a wuss and did fall asleep with the best of intentions to have not done, but never mind. We arrived back to mine at 2.15ish and i handed Jelalucia over to her new owner, and i climbed into bed a very happy bunny, if a little sad that such a good day had to end.

erk. well, blogger has changed again......
looks like it might be okay, will have a proper play with it later....

so 5 whole packed days to catch up on....

ill not go day by day cause i really cont be bothered and i need to go somewhere very soon, so...

first thing to note is that my blue baby is leaving me, and going to a better home, with the slightly ironic twist of having just had an influx of requests for usage hehe oh well. it will be well looked after in its new home and im sure ill get to see it... as a result of that, it does mean that im about to become the owner of some keys :D
tomorrow sees the trip to london with one Mr Green taking place..... yey! moo-sick-alls :)

ive spent almost all of the weekend out and with other people, which is a huge achievement in itself, and even kind of enjoyed it... erk! saturday night saw four of us hit Corporation very funkily wearing lots of UV, and boy did we look good. another trip is to be planned and i will ensure camerage next time so we can get some pictures.... saw farenheit 9/11 on sunday night, which was different to what i was expecting but still cool. other highlights of the weekend included being challenged to a shot match at 4am and general silliness.
we have no carpets or furniture at the moment which is proving interesting but not to worry.

may also having something a little different musically lined up, which if it comes into fruition we may hear about.

oh and by the way... im not at uni... im at home... admittedly on hendryx's PC but we have dial up and will soon have broadband of doom, so that'll be funky. anyhow should probably shoot now. lots to do today and the buses are on bloody strike so i cant get anywhere.... :S

sara

we'll go with a boring update...

house.
today the men came back. i now have a canvas wardrobe in my room... .its bright blue. its weird.i always wanted something like that in my old room - mainly as i had an alcove so it would have been a practical use of space, however now that i have one... im not so sure about them. ill also be getting a huge desk, a chest of drawers and a 3/4 bed... having new furniture will be nice as ive NEVER had all new furniture in a room of mine before... but im not so sure its going to fit very well. my room is a slightly odd shape and unless the bed is not too much wider than a normal single (theres about a foot) im not sure i can fit everything in and still have space. like a nice space. im sure something can be sorted once everything is in the room though and i can see it better. [ addition - we rescued one of the old chairs from the skip pile earlier - i think it should go in the dungeon. great place to go hide in and read by candle light or something equally damaging..]

housemates.
people seem to be settling in nicely, the weird power struggle that seemed to be going on has kind of died down... i cant really describe it but it was slightly weird..
sometimes i forget just how well hendryx can read me at times which is going to make for an interesting year i think but will possibly be a good thing over all.
my space issue is kinda getting to be respected which is nice.. i think im also beginning to differentiate between some things as well... which should prove useful.

job.
work is an interesting one. interview tomorrow. guess ill be able to evaluate more then - if i still have a job.

friends.
theres an interesting quandry. met people in the last week or so. as much as it pains me to say it maybe i cant make two of the claims i have done previously as the grounds on which i have made them seem to have slipped. on the other hand... chris butt seems to have disappeared off the face of the planet... jack is busy with rosie, paul i dont seem to get on too well with at the moment... and just in general i seem to be fighting a lot. not entirely sure why but not to worry- there'll be some reason, the fact that i know not what is a minor detail.

family.
grandparents in spain have been burgled...over a grands worth of stuff missing, like the digital cameral, digital camcorder (both of which held some severely retarded footage of me over there... so in a very twisted ironic way im glad it will never see the shores of the UK)
parents are same as ever...
sister is an interesting one. i can cope with the fact that she's spoilt rotten and gets to do all the things i was never allowed to etc... (not wishing to dound bitter or anythign) but im not so happy that in the thick of things i was never allowed to miss school or anything because of it all, whereas my sister is... and the stuff she's getting is normal everyday stuff now... it sounds like a really petty complaint but its just an observation on my part...

me.
um... not doing too good right now... im looking forwards to going to London next wednesday to 'experience the West End' though... one more thing i can cross off on my to-do list.... only got a couple of things left. - visit canada/newzealand, inspire someone, go camping with people for no real reason/purpose other than it can be done. other than that, abbie is coming up at the end of july,

ive also decided that i need to talk less... its a really bad habit that i seem to have developed around six months ago. either that or change the way i operate from having 3 or four friends whom i talk to a lot to having lots of acquaintances whom i dont really talk to. i know im not the easiest person to get on with and stuff but occasionally i do stop and think about the other persons viewpoint and i seem to end up talking an awful lot. its proably not such a good thing anyways... i dunno there really but nah. it probably is a good thing. i probably need to get more friends anyhow... and i think that going back to virtual(not in a geeky net sense, but almost total kind of way) silence would probably not be the best of plans... will have to think about that one a bit more i think.

music.
not feeling too inspired at the moment i must say. the fact that the album idea seems to have imploded hasnt helped things too much...there cause its the whole backlash of being geared up to do somethign which then falls through. dont feel inspired to write anything. the few times ive actually seriously tried to do anything musical over the last couple of weeks its had a bizzarre effect as well so ...

i think thats it... all the major type things done...
so for those of you who were wondering... hope that gives you something to talk about.

sara

condensed version of the last two days.

sad. people round for tea. lost furniture. gained weird stuff. tortured self in meadowhell.

on a different note....

work have finally sorted out an interview date. Tomorrow.
fun huh?
theyve not bothered contacting me re: work this month at all, so next months pay is going to be low, like todays... its only the money i have for fun things so not crucial like rent money... but it does mean i wont be able to go back to weymouth. anyhow, i get the feeling theyre going to fire me. otherwise i dont see why i havent had any work.
thats not me being pessimistic by the way, its just me being realistic....

im not so sure i can do it anymore.

(cryptic but someone will know what im referring to here)

finally mended links.
doing boring things like that at the moment. soon ill go home. when i can be bothered to decide to walk.....
in the mean time hope you enjoy.

lyrics that kinda explain some stuff better than i could.

Cunning, Baffling, Powerful
Been beaten to a pulp
Vigorous, Irresistable
Sick and tired and laid low
Dominating, Invisible
Black-out, loss of control
Overwhelming, Unquenchable
I'm powerless, have to let go

I can't escape it
It leaves me frail and worn
Can no longer take it
Senses tattered and torn

Hopeless surrender
Obsession's got me beat
Losing the will to live
Admitting complete defeat

Fatal Descent
Spinning around
I've gone too far
To turn back round

Desperate attempt
Stop the progression
At any length
Lift this obsession

Crawling to my glass prison
A place where no one knows
My secret lonely world begins

So much safer here
A place where I can go
To forget about my daily sins

Life here in my glass prison
A place I once called home
Fall in nocturnal bliss again

Chasing a long lost friend
I no longer can control
Just waiting for this hopelessness to end

to break up the uber-contemplativeness....

havent done something like this in a while...
so here goes.

(stoled from dunc's LJ)

10 songs you love to listen to: ALL THESE ANSWERED IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER (and ive cut them down to five as i cant think of more generally.)

1. Alanis Morrisette- forgiven (acoustic)
2. Evanescence- October
3. Jewel- Who will save your soul?
4. Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow - Picture
5. The Little Mermaid - Part of this World

10 food types you love to eat:

1. most things ive cooked
2. a decent kebab
3. butterscotch tart
4. chinese buffet situation thing
5. jacket potato


10 shops you shop at:

1. weird sci-fi/fantasy/40k type shops
2. music shops
3. food shops
4. clothes shops
5. book shops

10 things that interest you: might have 10 things for this

1. people
2. Astronomy
3. Music, both writing and listening,
4. normality
5. books
6. comics
7. sci-fi/fantasy stuff
8. writing
9. becoming increasingly geeky
10. weirdness


10 electronic items you own:

1. TV
2. Computer
3. Play Station
4. Stereo
5. Mobile phone
6. cd/mp3 walkman
7. guitar:D
8. guitar tuner
9. PA system :D
10. um... cafetiere



10 things that have made you laugh recently:

1. dunc's latest song
2. abbies phone conversation
3. artists that take the mick out of themselves
4. some of the brilliantly naive ideas i have
5. silly cartoons

10 things you miss:

1. abbie
2. abbie
3. abbie
4. all the random things i used to be able to do
5. long walks and talks with people being sociable

10 things you don't miss:

1. primary school
2. secondary school
3. being at home
4. travelling to sixth form
5. sixth form
6. descant recorder
7. fitness PE, apart from bleep tests which i rocked at
8. certain people who shall remain nameless
9. sunshine
10. stupidly hot weather.


there you go.....
somthing that will hopefully inspire hope that i havent decided that all is lost.

today has been the kind of day i never want to have but is generally not too bad, just damn crap - contradictory i know but thats life. after last nights spectacle got up very late feeling pants. planned to spend the day watching the naughty pirated dvd's my dad gave me yesterday (the butterfly effect - fantastic film, van helsing, and X2 all fantastic) but didnt have any desire to do anything. finally surfaced from my room at 11ish just as hendryx was leaving... got some cereal so i wouldnt feel so sick and went back to bed to get up again as jack and rosie returned. ended up making lunch for us all. was proud of the croutons....
in an effort to at least do *something* constructive with my day i headed into town with them as they were going to meet paul and buy el welshman sven a birthday present. eventually paul met us in forbidden planet. looks like another friendship has gone down the pan there... oh well. after that i mosied back up calling in HMV on the way... there were at least 4 videos in the sale that i wanted a lot.... didnt buy any though as i had already spent some money on a comic... then came here to uni and have been here almost two hours at the moment. tonight if hendryx is back i might ask him to fit my dvd rom as that will take less time and watch x2: eat ice cream and generally wander around feeling very sad like last night... failing that ill probably just go to bed and hope that when i next wake up the sun will be shining and life will be better. i think rain is forecast however...yep. just checked...
todays plus side though is that i got some new drugs yesterday... extra strong anti-histamines which is actually doing wonders.... just need to try to remember to take them now.
the fact that i just pro-actively talked about shopping is actually fairly disturbing.

right now theres an awful lot of crap floating around my head. a lot of stuff mainly aimed at myself, and a little towards others, although it is no fault of theirs, which then makes me mad because im mad...

ack. anyhow i should probably be quiet now.its nice and peacful up here on floor 12... shame they wont ever move it up to floor 18... :(

living someone elses life.
a long time ago i used to hear all of these stories from the "popular" people at school about their parties and the kinds of things they did, and while on the one hand i really wasnt interested at all by any of it, on the other there was always a small element of curiosity...
not such a long time ago, i went through a period of time- around three months- where i watched my life being lived out and i had no say in what happened. that was interesting....
the last few days ive had almost the opposite happening. ive ended up randomly meeting a lot of people this week, and having decided to make a special effort since moving with regards to beign sociable anyhow found myself determined to stick to that with the added extras i wasnt expecting. on top of that, things have happened that i REALLY didnt think would happen in a long time, let alone in the space of just over a week.
As a result..... ive been drunk three nights in a short space of time... ended up with some interesting things happening then...come to a few conclusions. thursday and friday were horrible.. just ended up getting so wound up.... saturday saw a shift in the balance. a long conversation with abbie saw to that. experienced true ambivalence for the first time in an awful long time during that which was very odd. generally felt a bit better though which was what led to me ending up going out last night.
the less said there the better i think.

the main conclusion i have to draw from that is that i am a social outcast and actually i dont think i can handle being anything else. call me stubborn or whatever you like for saying that but itstrue.
every so often i poke my head out to see whether anything has changed, and then it comes back in. i have tried. ive tried hard the last few months with a lot of things, and right now it feels like ive let a lot of people down. all i can say to that is im sorry.
theres a lot i could say to a lot of people right now, but what right do i have to do that?

i know this post is almost seeming like ive backtracked over the steps forward ive taken over the last couple of months (at least ive been told i have... it certainly doesnt feel like it to me)- maybe i have... but right now i dont really care that much need to step back from the battlefront, survey my wounds, find a hug and a hot chocolate, and work out just what is the point.

over the next week i think ill be probably be in hiding like on friday, except for wednesday, which is doable. i think i can cope with slaving over the kitchen for a while to feed people. possibility of goign bowling in the morning... but thats three days away yet.
supposed to be the staff night out at work next week too, but im not going. would also be nice if they actually gave me some work... but thats another thing for another time.

the world is not ready for me, and i am not ready for it.
if anyone wants me you know where to find me.

second day in a row here....

why?

hendryx needed the net... and we're heading into town afterwards. although uni is open til 8.30pm so i could probably happily sit here and play till then... but i wont.
spent most of my evening yesterday playing final fantasy VII... will continue tonight, i need to find a wig and a dress...... that was where i got stuck before turning it off.

random question for people. has anyone changed their IP address while ive been away?

dont really have much to say.
i feel a bit better today.... and will ahve some FANTASTIC photos of me having a really bad hair day when ive finished this film off... tomorrow im seeing rich robinson 12.30-1.30 and then heading to the cinema to see two films :)
friday ill probably sort out my end of the bills and stuff.... i dunno.... :)

saturday is meant to be recording prac..... hmmm..... we'll see what happens there.

anyhow im gonna do another lazy stay in bed all night thing tonight, and hope that it will do the trick as it sempt to help last night..... that and getting texts from people that cheered me up and fruit tea :)

rargh.

i feel it may be prudent to update slightly.

im not sure how much ill write as i feel like shite to be perfectly honest.
so whats been happening.... ?

well.. as i already said i got back on the 29th.
followed by arguments and packing and all kinds of stupid crap i didnt need but got anyway... and due to some interesting developments on the 1st of july i moved house... by bus. with Jack to help. obviously i didnt get it all done that day and due to said random crap going on actually ended up with Jack's dad picking uip the rest of it on friday morning.
since then i kitted out the kitchen and met some of hendryx's friends... saturday afternoon had company and cooked hotpot, whilst feeling a little off colour. sunday i didnt get up until the evening as i felt pooh. monday i mostly spent in bed, called into town to get some money and went to bed extremely early and slept for almost 14 hours. today i feel worse but got up anyhow. just sorting out some stuff, and then ill probably go back to bed - more than anything im bored as a giant turtle. i hate being unable to amuse myself sufficiently. its nothing catching - just a combination of climate change (average temp whilst away was 37 degrees celsius... here its... um not) and hay fever i think.


anyhow. we dont have a phone line or net access at the moment, but news should arrive soon on those fronts.

in the meantime if anyone wants the new address or to pop round and say hello then give me a call or an email (tho it may be a couple of days before i answer.)

sara